Wanton Desire Read online

  Too bad she hadn’t been able to take the train all the way out here. The railway would likely extend into the area someday. By the time that much expansion occurred though, she feared Elk Valley and nearby Fox Valley might be ghost towns, abandoned and long forgotten.

  Both towns had seen growth in past years, but after she’d left, poor crop production and decreased livestock availability and sales, as well as a surge in lawlessness, had spurred many to relocate. She wondered how many people, if any, would even want to return. She also wondered how many new faces she’d encounter and whether they’d be law-abiding folks or simply a bunch of riffraff out for whatever they could get. She shuddered at the latter thought.

  The reason for her own sudden return weighed heavily on her heart and she wiped away a tear. She never should have left home to begin with. If she’d stayed where she belonged, maybe she could have done something to save her father’s life.

  His passing had shocked and devastated her. And not only her. The loss of Elk Valley’s only doctor and longtime resident had been tragically felt by the whole town.

  According to Beth Roberts, her best friend, he’d simply collapsed and no one had been able to bring him around. Probably a heart attack. He’d put on extra weight over the years and had always worked way too hard.

  “Oh, Papa…” She swiped away another tear, wondering if the emptiness she felt in her heart would ever go away. “Would you still be alive if I hadn’t left?” That question had haunted her for months and probably would for the rest of her life.

  Her fingers clutched at her handbag, where she kept the telegram from Beth, informing her of his passing. That was months ago, but the pain still hadn’t eased any. She’d reread the message so many times that she knew the words on the now-crumpled paper by heart—words that since had been smudged by her tears.

  Not being with him when he’d passed had hurt more than she’d ever thought possible. She’d give almost anything to see him one last time. To hug him and tell him just how much she loved him. She’d arranged transport out here as soon as she’d received the devastating news but it seemed as if fate was against her, delaying her at every turn.

  She was completely alone in the world now. No more family. In her grief, she hadn’t been certain where to turn. Then she’d realized that in school was where she ultimately needed to stay. She hadn’t finished her training as a doctor yet, which was why she’d left New Mexico to begin with.

  After relocating to Massachusetts, she’d lived with an elderly aunt for a short while. Sadly, her aunt had suffered a stroke and passed quickly, leaving Emma to either return to Elk Valley or to fend for herself in a strange city.

  It hadn’t been easy and she’d often thought about giving up. But she’d ultimately managed in the city with a lot of help from the doctors and administrators at the hospital where she was studying—mostly from one particular doctor who believed in her and had become her mentor.

  Boston was her home now. Not Elk Valley. After she took care of her father’s affairs, she’d return and build her future there.

  She dabbed at the tears around her eyes. She had to pull herself together before she got to town. She didn’t want to break down the moment she stepped off the stage and saw the friends she’d left behind.

  As they approached Three Prong Pass, other thoughts flickered through her mind. She’d missed the birth of Beth’s first child, a daughter who would be over a year old now. She could hardly wait to see the little one. She already knew the girl would be adorable and wondered if she’d ever be blessed with babies of her own.

  She’d often dreamed of having a doting husband, beautiful children, the perfect family. Of course, perfection wasn’t really attainable but that had never quelled her dreams of a future surrounded by love and an abundance of smiles. Growing old all by herself was something she couldn’t even bear to contemplate.

  Mostly though, especially since starting on her journey back to New Mexico, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She wondered if Joe Jackson still lived in Elk Valley and what his feeling were for her after all this time.

  The former gunslinger had told her long ago that he wasn’t much for reading and writing. So after she’d left, that had been pretty much all for them except for information Beth would sometimes pass along.

  Beth hadn’t mentioned him in a while in her letters and she’d thought it better not to ask. Better for her heart. Now that she was back though, no matter how short-lived, she’d have to face the feelings she held for him, if he still resided in the area. The problem was that she didn’t know how she felt about Joe. Not really. Oh sure, she knew in her fantasies, but fantasies weren’t real life. Real life was much more complicated.

  She’d once fancied herself quite smitten with the man. More than smitten actually. But she was used to refined gentlemen now. After living back East, maybe Joe Jackson wouldn’t even look that good to her anymore.

  The coach slowed and she saw Delia’s Palace looming in the distance—the town’s whorehouse. The sight of the two-story building brought back memories of violence, corruption and debauchery. The seedy establishment looked faded and boarded up now. “Good.” She hoped the town planned to tear down the monstrous structure and build something positive in its place. Maybe a proper school or a new church.

  She checked her timepiece. The stage was late. No wonder the driver had been running the horses like a crazy man. He must have been trying to make up lost time. She wasn’t about to complain to him though. The sooner she was able to get out of this contraption the better, for her body as well as her state of mind.

  Beth and her husband Cal were supposed to meet her. She hoped they’d gotten her last telegram with her new arrival day. If she didn’t see them, she’d go straight to the sheriff by herself. Supposedly he had the key to her father’s clinic, according to what Beth had told her.

  From one of Beth’s letters, she knew that Elk Valley had appointed three different sheriffs in the last couple of years. She likely wouldn’t know this man, unless he was someone local from when she used to live in town.

  She planned to stay at the clinic until she went through her father’s belongings and business holdings. She’d stay in her old bedroom on the second floor. The memories might prove too much and overwhelm her. But staying in her old home was something she felt she needed to at least attempt. If nothing else, maybe it would help her feel close to her father again.

  If she couldn’t manage, she’d take a room at the inn or the boarding house to give herself some emotional distance. Or she could probably even stay at the Sinclair ranch, with Beth’s sister and her family. It was large enough and she’d stayed there before. Although it wouldn’t be very convenient since she’d have to ride back and forth between the ranch and town.

  She wondered if Joe still resided at the Sinclair ranch or if he had a place of his own now. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought about them possibly bedding down under the same roof once again.

  The coach abruptly came to a stop, almost tossing her from the seat. That’s when her nerves hit full force. Calm down. This used to be your home. She wiped her moist palms on her skirt.

  The driver opened the door and helped her down. She was surprised to feel the weakness in her knees. Fear of what she’d find here or simply too much time off her feet? She wasn’t certain. The driver unloaded her bag and she took it from him, clutching the leather handle tightly. “Thank you,” she said in polite response but her gaze and attention had already drifted elsewhere.

  Mostly the town looked the same to her—the buildings anyhow. Older and less kempt but familiar. Carter’s Mercantile, the Crooked Trail Saloon, the boarding house, the sheriff’s office, the Mule Deer Inn, the old run-down barbershop, which had been abandoned when she’d left and still stood empty. Various other establishments that she remembered looked to have remained too.

  She didn’t see anyone she knew so she headed across the road to the sheriff’s office. Before she’d even left to
come out here, she had decided that she wouldn’t be staying in New Mexico long. After looking around, she figured her decision had been a good one.

  Elk Valley felt so small, appeared so dirty and run-down. Had it always been this way and she’d just never noticed? Or had her perception of things just changed? Somehow, in her heart, she felt as if she no longer fit into this lifestyle. Deep down the revelation bothered her.

  A wagon rumbled past. “Oh!” She jumped back, saving her toes from getting squashed.

  “Sorry, ma’am,” an elderly man called out from the bench seat. “Didn’t see you there.”

  “That’s all right. No harm done.” She patted her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. She’d forgotten how dangerous things could be out here. Back East, drivers were more accommodating of passersby.

  Lifting her skirt, she continued across the road and stepped onto the boardwalk. She opened the door to the sheriff’s office and paused. It looked to be empty. The sheriff had to be somewhere nearby, otherwise the office wouldn’t be unlocked. She’d wait. She stepped inside and closed the door.

  She immediately noticed that they’d put up a divider wall between the main part of the office and the cells. It gave the sheriff and any visitors a bit of privacy instead of being subjected to the stares of whoever was incarcerated.

  She set her bag on the seat of an old, slat-backed chair and stared out the huge front window. She expected to recognize the townsfolk who passed by but she didn’t. So many strangers.

  Somehow she’d pictured all of her old friends lining the road, awaiting her return. Well, maybe not lining the road but at least a few of them waiting nearby to greet her. How silly and naïve—apparently. Elk Valley was not the same town she’d left behind. Just as if she wasn’t the same woman. Time changed everything.

  She turned, and with a passing interest, scanned the wanted posters hanging on the wall. Torn and dirty. She could barely make out the faces or even the amounts on the bounties.

  A noise caught her attention and she turned back toward the cells. They must have someone locked up back there. Or maybe someone was cleaning the cells and hadn’t heard her enter. “Hello?”

  No answer. But a moan further drew her attention.

  She stepped forward, then hesitated. Somebody was probably just sleeping off a long night of too much alcohol. She dismissed the sound until a couple of grunts caused her additional concern. She couldn’t, in good conscience, ignore it. Someone back there might be sick.

  With caution, she stepped around the wall. At first, she didn’t see anything other than one line of empty cells. Four, it looked like. There used to only be two. They were smaller now, apparently divided in half and re-barred to make more areas for separating prisoners.

  With the space between the cells and the wall fairly narrow, she couldn’t see into the last cell. The construction seemed dangerous to her. A prisoner could just reach through the bars and—

  Another groan and a creaking sound, like a cot moving, drew her from her thoughts and she continued down to the farthest end. The cell was definitely occupied. When she got close enough to see inside, she gasped.

  A man, his pants down around his ankles, thrust his hips forward. The woman beneath him, her skirt pushed up to her waist, moaned and dug her fingernails into his bare butt. When she spotted Emma, she visibly tensed. But then she raised one hand, wiggled her fingers in a small wave and smiled.

  “Hey there, honey. If you want some of this good hard lovin’, you gotta wait your turn.”

  Emma felt so shocked that she couldn’t move or even utter a sound. The woman in the cell definitely had no class. But then, it was hard to exude class with your legs spread in the air. And the man…

  He jerked and turned his head toward her. “Hellfire,” he whispered and scrambled to his feet, pulling up his pants at the same time.

  Coming out of her shock, Emma spun on her heel and hurried back toward the front of the office. She couldn’t move fast enough for her liking. She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed, indignant, or…or—

  “Get yourself together,” she heard him say to the woman. “I thought you locked the door.”

  “Sorry, sweetie. I thought I did. Really I did. Stop scowling at me like some angry mountain lion or something. It’s true. I swear it.”

  “It’s embarrassing.”

  “Weren’t no one I recognized. Prim-and-Proper is probably just passing through town. I’ll bet she wishes she was the one getting fucked.”

  “Watch your mouth. That was a lady.”

  “Like I care.” A loud laugh and a snort bounced off the jail’s walls.

  Emma made it over to the chair as fast as possible. She’d heard more than enough and seen more than enough. The woman back there obviously wasn’t a prisoner. And she had no shame. Not that it mattered to her. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

  “Emma, wait.”

  She hesitated and it seemed an eternity before she finally took a breath. After filling her lungs, she slowly let the air out and turned back toward the man. “Joe.” She raised her chin. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your—um, fun.” Her icy tone purposely did not match her words, for she held no true feelings of apology…only outrage.

  The woman strolled out from the back, seemingly without a care. From her flamboyant clothing, Emma assumed she worked in the saloon. The bodice of the woman’s sleeveless dress barely covered her large breasts and the length of the purple and black garment hung to just below her knees, showing way too much of her stocking legs to be proper.

  “Come see me later. We can try again.” She stroked Joe’s cheek then headed out the door with a smirk on her face.

  Joe made a noise that sounded like a cross between a groan and a growl. At least he had the decency to appear embarrassed and had even said so to the woman, if she’d heard him correctly.

  Still, Emma felt mortified and just wanted to run. This was not the reunion she’d imagined. She couldn’t believe Joe would do something like this when he knew she was arriving today.

  Had he done it on purpose to send her a message? If so, it seemed cowardly to her and he’d greatly changed from the man he used to be—or the man she’d always believed him to be.

  No, wait. She refused to let herself think that of him, especially given his initial reaction. Joe wouldn’t purposely do that to her. He couldn’t have changed that much. He…

  Darn it. The truth was that she didn’t know what to think. Well, she no longer cared one way or the other what he did or what he felt. Or so she tried to convince herself.

  Unfortunately, Joe Jackson still looked good to her. Tall, muscular, impressive. And now, the sight of Joe’s bare, firm butt was seared into her mind. He exuded even more power than she remembered. The aura of mystery and danger that had always lingered around him remained as strong as ever.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked in a gruff voice, tucking in his shirt.

  No “welcome home” or anything? She cocked an eyebrow at him but his confusion, and irritation, looked genuine. Could it really be possible that he hadn’t known she was coming?

  “Well?” He raked a hand through his thick, dark hair.

  “Didn’t you all get my messages?”

  “Beth told me that the last message from you said because of flooding you had to head back East and you’d send another message later. I assumed you’d try again after the rainy season.”

  “Stupid!”

  His chocolate-brown eyes darkened and narrowed. “Excuse me?”

  She waved her hand. “Not you.” Though him dallying with a saloon girl inside the jail, where anyone could find them, made her wonder…

  No, stop it. Not my business, not anymore, she repeated several times to herself, forcing her thoughts back to the matter at hand. “The telegram was supposed to say that I had to return to the last town to backtrack around some floodwaters. I knew that telegraph operator was a dimwit.”

  Joe grabbed a gun belt off
the desk and strapped it on.

  “I sent another telegram with my new arrival day, but apparently that one didn’t even make it here if the other one was the last message Beth received.” Emma tried to calm her conflicted heart and troubled mind but wasn’t having a lot of luck. That’s when she noticed the tin star pinned on Joe’s vest. “You’re the sheriff?” Given his past, she never would have expected the town council to approve of such a thing, though personally she thought it was great. Joe never had cared for ranching too much. This seemed like a perfect fit for him.

  “Temporarily. We lost another one last month. Shot by a rustler. The town was desperate so I stepped in. I figured I could keep things under control until they found someone better.”

  “I doubt they’ll find anyone better.” When Joe looked to the side as if uncomfortable with her comment, she continued. “Things really are bad here then, I guess.” As Beth had told her. She wasn’t used to such lawlessness anymore.

  “Yeah.” His gaze flickered back and forth a couple of times before resettling on her. “Um, about what happened earlier in the cell… The office was supposed to be closed for lunch. I didn’t—”

  “No need to explain,” she interrupted, waving away his words. She rushed her own words in the process, then felt her cheeks flush. Shoot. She hated her reaction and just wanted to forget about what had happened. She couldn’t believe he’d actually brought it up.

  When Joe nodded, then said nothing more and simply stood there staring at her, she began to feel even more uncomfortable. It was as if they were strangers, neither knowing what to say to the other. “I guess Beth and Cal are at home, since none of you were expecting me,” she finally said, breaking the awkward silence.

  “They’re in Santa Fe. Josie got sick and with no doctor close by—”

  “The baby’s sick?” Emma tensed, her stomach clenching. “How bad is she?” Concern changed her focus and she pushed aside all thoughts about her own situation. Beth must be beside herself and having to go so far for treatment only made things worse.